translucent transparency ... or... my apprehension about my first triathalon

So I haven't blogged much. Partly because life just seems so normal an un-blogworthy, but partly because I haven't know how/what to say. I've been thinking lately about the idea of being transparent about your life (not that a blog is the place to tell all, but just go with me here), and often i feel like being open and transparent comes really easy for me and other times there is no way i want to tell anyone anything. I know this is not really profound and probably true of many other people too, but after some self-reflection I decided that I am only transparent in sharing with others things that I consider to be clear myself. Things I have already done, things I have confidence in what I think God wants me to be doing, etc. But I have trouble letting other into something that i'm unsure of, something unclear, something uncertain, something translucent in my own thinking.

So in light of this, I've decided to give you a transparent look into something that is still somewhat translucent to me...

One of my random life time goals was to do a triathalon. This past school year I knew my schedule would be relatively light, and one of my specific goals for the year was to get in better shape. In sharing some of this with a friend, her suggestion was, sign up for a triathalon- it will give you a concrete goal to be working towards. So, not really knowing anything about different triathalon distances or anything I started poking around the web and found one i decided to sign up for. ... a half ironman (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run). It was about a year out giving plenty of time to work up the preliminary skills for the 18 week training program i found and I set off to the gym each day always with that goal, but it was also far enough away that it seemed to be perpetually in the future.

At some point I got discouraged and decided it was stupid to have signed up for something that extensive, and I was just going to forget it. But right about the time the 18 week training schedule would need to start I decided to give it another go. The swim and the bike I'm right on target for distances and times. The run, however... oh my!

In addition to that... what do i know about triathalons? what do i need to have at each transition point? what is it like swimming distance in a lake rather than a pool and with tons of other people around you? how do you dress for all 3 events? what if it takes me too long and I don't make it to a transition point in time? what if i do something wrong? Am I crazy to be attempting this?

these are all questions that have been running through my mind off and on for months but i'm always scared/embarrassed to share these concerns with anyone else, so I've stayed completely away from telling anyone I'm training for a triathalon.

To ease some of my fears I have signed up for a sprint triathalon (750 meter swim, 12 mile bike, 3 mile run) coming up in 1.5 weeks. This is imminently doable (a normal day lately has consisted of a 25 mile bike plus 1500 meter swim or 60 minutes on the treadmill plus swim) and will give me a better idea of what its like to be in the water and go through the transitions.

That being said, I still don't know that I'll be able to finish the 13.1 mile run in august. However I'm still working towards that, little by little. I'm okay with whatever happens... i've put in enough time, effort, and money that whatever outcome "doing my best" results in, I will be proud of what i've accomplished and what i've learned through the process.

Finally... I would appreciate your prayers in this endeavor for safety as I train, that i wouldn't be so anxious, and that I would really feel like i've done my best. and any words of encouragement would be welcome too.