reflections from 2010

One of my projects over Christmas break was making a scrapbook of 2010. I had an extra page at the end that I needed to fill, so I decided to write a page of reflections and thought I would share them here.

"As 2010 comes to a close tomorrow, I look through these pages of memories from the past year and I think how many things have not gone as expected. A year ago, I didn't even have plans to move back to America, and yet, this year ended up being marked by that transition. My initial expectations and excitement for what I would do here did not come to fruition and I started doubting that this transition was really best for me. While I loved a lot of the conveniences of America, reverse culture shock hit. While I liked being able to drive a car, I missed being able to ride a bike anywhere. I liked that I could communicate with those around me, but I missed all my Chinese friends. The questions, "what do you miss most about China?" and "what are you liking most about America?" had the same answer. I miss standing out in China, where people come up and talk to me on the street just because I am white and speak English, but I'm glad to be out of a place where I stand out and feel like an animal in the zoo with all the spectators focused on my every move. As I processed this move with friends from China that understand cultural differences and with friends from college that really understand me, what stands out is questions like, "What does it mean to be following the will of God? Did I come back for my own reasons or for His reasons?" One friend encouraged me to think about what God had done in and through me because I was back in the states. I immediately thought of the summer at Loucon. It was so refreshing to just be able to focus on Christ. I remembered staff presentation from the first week of the summer during which I sat down with a girl grieving the loss of her grandma which spun her into a period of doubt about God. Her questions mirrored my own from several years ago and answering them helped me realize how much God has been working in my life and how that was just the place God wanted me at that moment. There were several kids I talked to this summer at camp that are now my sisters in Christ, and that is worth it all. I thought going back to China for 6 weeks might make the transition harder, but in reality it helped me think about my priorities, who I want to be, and what ways God wants to use me. I came back to the states that time ready to be here. Working as a nanny is not something I want to do forever, but it's been perfect for this time of transition. Right now the possibilities for the future seem somewhat endless. I've officially applied for Seminary, but I don't know where that road might lead. In considering moving back to one's home country I've heard everything from 6-18 months for how long the full transition takes. I'm well on my way to that, but more importantly, I'm continuing to trust God and take it one step at a time. My goal is to glorify God, no matter where I am, or what I'm doing."